


Hawke fucks up

by Wolf_Child23



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Humor, lore unfriendly, this is so stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 15:04:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21376063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolf_Child23/pseuds/Wolf_Child23
Summary: Hawke makes a historical mistake.
Kudos: 2





	Hawke fucks up

**Author's Note:**

> okay so this is a short as fuck thing I just felt like writing to get out of my head. i got the idea from a SovietWomble video and i basically just incorporated Hawke and crew into it.

It was a sunny day on the Storm Coast. Hawke, Varric, Isabela and Carver were killing bandits for a bounty set by the city as they were attacking caravans that held supplies. It was a welcome distraction from the Qunari presence due to the Arishok constantly demanding Hawke’s help. 

“Oh, I call dibs on those!” Isabela said, as Hawke cleaned a set of daggers he picked off of a dead bandit.

“The rule of dibs is a fucking mockery in and of itself.” Carver said bitterly, wiping down his greatsword.

“Don’t disrespect the rule of dibs!” Isabela said to Carver, sounding genuinely upset, “The rule of dibs is a time honored tradition! Ever since Julius Caesar wandered into the Tevinter Imperium and said dibs.”

“How did that work for him?” Carver asked sarcastically, finishing up his work.

“Well, he kinda got surrounded by about twenty guys, got stabbed then used for a blood ritual. So, some would say fun times.” 

“Don’t let Broody catch you saying that.” Varric said with a smirk, pocketing some gold. 

“He did get the nicest wench though.” Hawke said, handing Isabela the daggers. 

“His wench? What?” Carver said, raising an eyebrow. Hawke turned to his brother.

“Wasn’t Julius Caesar banging Caligoola?” 

“Oooh Cleopatra-” Varric started but was interrupted by Isabela’s laughter once her brain processed what he said. 

“Cleopatra!” Isabela said through her laughter, joined by Carver and Hawke who said “Oh shit sorry” through his laughter.

“Who in the Maker’s name is “Caligoola?”” Varric asked, also laughing. 

“No no Caligoola is a thing, seriously!”

“Caligula?” Varric said.

“Yeah that’s the one!” Hawke said laughing.

“Caligula the Archon, the Imperial Archon like two hundred years after Caesar died?”

“Well I don’t fucking know, I’m not a fucking scholar.” Hawke said.

“It’s the Tevinter Imperium, weirder things have happened.” Carver said, looking at his brother like he was an idiot.

“When in Tevinter, bang Caligula.” Isabela said, wiping tears of laughter from her cheeks.

The matter was dropped as they made their way down the Coast, for about two minutes.

“”Caligoola.”” Isabela said with a chuckle.

“Whatever.” Hawke said bitterly. 

“Sorry, how long were you calling Caligula “Caligoola” I must know-”

“I DON’T OFTEN REFER TO CALIGULA.”


End file.
